An Angry Aries.

I keep trying to write something here, but it’s much too hot to rant.

I can’t believe what I do late at night.

It’s Friday night. I’m home. Trying to write while listening to L’Arena.

This scene is in Nottingham Castle, but it just does not feel right. I don’t know if it’s wrong and I should make it better, or if it’s wrong and I should scrap it entirely.

I’ve got a goal to write 1k words a day. If I do it for all of July and August I’ll be very close to finishing the book before school resumes. Or I may be done completely. Not sure how many words exactly this thing will be. Anyways, it’s day 4 of my goal and I’m struggling, but my ass is planted in this uncomfortable chair until the work is done.

It’s quite clear that I’m still paying for the sins of my past. That’s ok. I deserve it. I’ve done a lot of bad things to a lot of people. I’ve apologized many times for them, but I’ll be the first to admit apologies don’t really cut it.  I’ve tried to change, but change is by no means easy. What bothers me though, is that the people who are hardest on me are not the ones I’ve slighted.  They are usually associated with the people I’ve hurt and don’t really know the entire story.

My actions are usually a reaction. That by no means excuses my inability to turn the other cheek, I’m just saying my wrongs don’t come out of left field. There is a reason for everything.

I put effort into reconnecting with of  friends I haven’t spoken with in some time this week. I resolved to let old trespasses be forgiven and forgotten.  The reasoning behind this being that I can never find forgiveness if I’m not willing to give it myself.

Got out of another ticket today.  Here some easy steps to doing so:

1. Feign ignorance. “What? You’re not allowed to drive with headphones in? I had no idea officer.”
2. Admit your fault. “Yep, I was wearing headphones, can’t argue with you there.”
3. Be white. “Hey…did you notice I’m white officer?” (Granted some of you can’t do anything about this one, but hey maybe you have cleavage. Cleavage > Being White.

And Wa La I’m out of a ticket. That’s three over the past couple of years I’ve gotten pulled over, but no ticket.

To my anonymous commenter. I have a better conspiracy theory for you.

I think MJ may have been taken out by a Sith Lord to serve as a distraction while his master takes control of the senate, fakes a coup, then declares us the The United Galactic American Empire.

Man I can’t wait for lightsabers…

I’ve decided to forgive. There are so many people I’ve wrong over the years and I have so much remorse that how can I not forgive those who have wronged me?

I’m a conflicted person. I have so much to be happy about, yet I feel unfulfilled and empty. I know what I need/want to fill what’s missing, but thus far it has been unattainable for me.

Is everyone forgetting that Michael Jackson did highly suspect activities with children? Or do the people lining up outside of UCLA Medical Center think that’s stuff is ok as long as you make good music?

<Overpass>

Still I think of you,

from time to time, my dear

departed friend.

The cold of December,

reaching out endlessly,

with thin unseen fingers

to capture your last breaths,

frozen with each exhale,

as you stood alone

in royal majesty

above the angry river

of ignorant trucks, cars

Swerving and merging below

Somber headlights lighting

your path to misguided freedom

where others saw only freeway.

Oh jaded traveler,

your life ended in a splash

of red and broken glass.

<Dancing With You>

So many passing nights

alone in the  dark.

Remembering

a series of moments.

How you lift me up.

 

Imagining you,

lying on my bed,

happily naked.

Moonlight bathed

Breasts and star shined

Eyes to witness

my hands sliding.

Forever, along smoothest skin,

Inviting the next touch

with welcome warmth

and soft sighs.

 

This scene, so

shamefully cinematic.

Plays over

in my head,

stuck on hold.